Re: go read my story again
Found this article in a news release . Sorry Reactor, looks like Daddy Gates beat ya' to it with the time traveling program.
( Note: I edited this a bit. I provided the link to the original below }
Time Traveler Software
Microsoft has just released it's update to TimeTraveler 1.0, the popular computer application that turns Pentium-based PCs into time machines.
The first version of TimeTraveler, Microsoft now concedes, was not without problems. Unhappy users from around the world flooded the support line with calls. "My son was trying to go back a week earlier to do his history final a second time," one unhappy father from Johannesburg reportedly complained, "and he ended smack dab in the middle of the Boer War. What key do I push do get him back ?"
A caller from Bristol grumbled that his wife had got stuck a few hours in the past. "Me an' the missus can't agree on tea-time anymore," he grumbled, "an' she throws out the Guardian before it even arrives."
TimeTraveler 1.02 addresses the glitches that plagued the first release. The legions of women who lost technogeek partners to distant eras have been promised complementary copies of Widows 2010.
But in addition to angry consumers, Microsoft has also received criticism from politicians and pundits for the effect of TimeTraveler on history books. At Senate hearings on Microsoft's domination of the time travel market, a photograph was produced showing a beer hall putsch in 1930's Munich, with what appears to be a grinning Bill Gates. A Microsoft representative countered that employees and executives of the Seattle-based firm are free to time-travel like anyone else with the software. "To suggest this is some nefarious world-controlling thing on Bill's part is crazy." the Micromouthpiece testified. "Besides, he couldn't work with Goebbels."
In response to criticism, Microsoft has issued some tips with TimeTraveler 1.02 from the release notes:
CHECK THE TIME
When installing TimeTraveler, make sure your computer clock is correctly set. Failure to do this will result in your immediately ending up a few seconds or minutes in the past or future, in a state of perpetual confusion like Jim from "Taxi" or even worse.
WATCH YOUR MOUTH
TimeTraveler uses Billzebub®, an occult algorithm. Do not grumble, cuss, or otherwise invoke the powers and principalities when installing TimeTraveler. You'll be smoked like a gnat on a bugzapper if you do.
MEMORIZE YOUR PASSWORD
When working with large intervals of time, remember that there may not be much of an information age at your destination. It's important to memorize the PowerWord, your registered incantation that will speed you back to the present. You don't want to end up running around a tar pit, hopelessly yelling your mother's maiden name with a velociraptor in hot pursuit.
DO NOT PESTER THE BABY JESUS
A popular destination for many time travelers is Bethlehem, and it is not appropriate to make a scene around the manger. We suggest you pay some token amount in Roman currency to the innkeeper, and dress appropriately. There are some alarming passages showing up in the Bible regarding "the strange visitors from beyond Galilee, their heads anointed with visors, and possessed of much loudness and stretchy pants."
BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR MODERN DEVICES
Remember that many of these devices may look like weapons to people of the past, and may result in a broadsword to the head.
CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF
Archaeologists will resent digging up anything you brought back in time. Particularly if an item you brought with you became the religious centerpiece of a newly unearthed Mayan temple.
DO NOT USE TimeTraveler TO CHANGE HISTORY
Even if it's just to travel back with a witty rejoinder for someone's cutting remark a few days before.
Attempts to do any of the above will result in the termination of the TimeTraveler license agreement, and Microsoft will reveal your location to Satan.
Full Release can be viewed here
