i fixed an air conditioner for the first time the other day.
it would run for a few minutes, then cut off. i decided the best option would be to tear the motor apart, and mill it down a bit. i knew an engineer designed this motor to fail, and replacement motors are 170 dollars. i put the motor back together and it ran better than ever before. the man i fixed it for was overjoyed and began to screw everything back together. a wire wouldnt reach, so he decided to pull every wire out. to make a long story short, i spent the next 6 hours rewiring it because the wiring diagram was not in the last bit accurate. i charged him nothing.
its the same old story nowadays. i fix everything in this neighborhood, and usually for nothing. its starting to make me dislike engineers. sure, they are just making things the way they are told, but i wonder, do they ever think of that old fella that could have died from the heat had i not come along?
right down the road is a volkswagen golf. the top and bottom a arm, plus the cv axle was sheared off the right side. there was no other damage to the car. are these the bright students you speak of that made these things?
things cant be made without engineers, and you say these people are good people, well, why have they never boycotted? why have they never banned together and said, "we will not cut corners in engineering. we will not let people die because the big wigs want to save a buck."
to summarize, money is a joke. if i need something, i get it. people look out for me because i look out for them. to some extent, you guys are the reason. you got me out of the house so long ago. now i make something of it. i get woke up around lunchtime everyday with something to fix.
i know i can go to school and have a degree in no time. its easier for me than anyone else. i also know that if i chose to, i could gain connections, make smart investments, attain a large wealth through deception, corrupt the powerful with said wealth, and in no time, i could attain my dream of becoming president. i also know that through trickery and deception, i could change the world for the better. yes, i am that dammed good. i also know that i would probably become pretty corrupt and any good i wished to do would be done through "damaged vision."
yeah, yeah, excuses, excuses...
the truth is, i would much rather be in the trenches making a difference. that way i never forget where i came from.
sure, theres things you know that i dont, but remember vice versa, that sentence works the same way. you know more about thermodynamics,math, and physics than i do. now, please understand this, and i promise im not being nasty: im not impressed. through the course of my life, i will accumulate more knowledge in these areas than you have. i do not place limits upon myself like you do. i know i can do anything.
when your badass amazing corvette breaks down on a cold winter night, that could be the end of you. not me. i am fit enough to keep going, where you would lie down. i can fix the problem, whereas you, the engineer, is clueless. AND ITS YOUR CAR!
the guy that mugs you could be your end because you put your faith in a handgun. if you had chosen to take self defense classes, you might have lived.
the regrets you have could end up defining you.
i understand you care, and i understand you can only see things your way. i am the same. i dont see what you see. you see mistakes i make, out of care, and i do the same. i only hope that you can see and respect that.
ill be turning 31 in a few days. it would be great if you, darby, and thomas showed up... and just accepted me for who i am, faults and all. lord knows i accept you guys, ego and all. i know that will never happen though. we are seperated by our class. no matter how much i want it, you'll always think you are better than me, ill think im better than you, and when we die, heres the kicker: life isnt a pissing contest.
if you want to be my friend and help me, just be my friend.i dont need a dad, or a life coach. i just need a friend. ive got a great head on my shoulders, and anyone who knows me, knows that. you dont have to tell me whats best, especially when you dont know. after youve spent time with me, talked with me, walked with me, then you can tell me whats best for me. until that time, its just an assumption based on your surroundings. not everyone lives in california. hell, ive never even been there.
i hope you understand everything ive said. not for me, for you.
p.s. just so you know, your entire house would have been built by now, plus i would have installed your solar array for a fraction of the price. all i would have asked for was a room, food, and smokes while i completed it. as an added benefit, your stuff would have been put together with pride and care. not to mention you would have had the funds to have it already finished. broke you say?
that never would have happened in a million years. you just cant take a risk like that. you would be devastated if something were to happen. you would second guess everything, your lifestyle would fade, and you would feel as if everything you worked for was for naught. this would make you become a bitter man with no zeal for life.
however, if my barn, which contains everything i own, were to burn to the ground, i would think it was hilarious, and it would renew my focus. as a kicker, the very next day i would own more than i did. i know people, good and bad.
ill tell you what. prove to me your mettle. prove to me that your only motive is for care of me and my future. heres the deal: you sell everything you own and give it all to a charity of your choosing. you then rejoin college and pursue a degree in another field you have always wanted to. if you do this, i will have no choice but to admit that your only motive is to help me. i will fully accept that you know what is best for me and follow your every word.
i know you would never do that, ever. you just dont care that much, and that is completely acceptable. i just want you to know that if i was you, and you were me, i would. because i always know i could rebuild, and someones life isnt worth all the money. all the money in the world still wont buy a soul.
i want you to send me a 1000 dollar check. thats nothing to you, yet the world to me. in return, i will send you a video of me burning it. lets see who is who, and lets publicize it in front of the world.
i would be tempted to spend it, out of greed. i would be tempted to feel like i got one over on you. sure i would. on some levels, i would feel like you deserve it for being such an egotistical asshole. but i never would.
admit you are human. admit you have made just as many mistakes as everyone else, maybe more. admit that you do not know whats best for anyone. admit that you are more greedy than you want to admit. admit that you float through life like everyone else. you aint special because you have a degree and house and all that crap. all that dies with you, and noone will care after. eventually even your name will be forgotten. what will be left though? what you passed on to the next generation.
what will you, ray hudson, leave us? will you impart you wisdom? free or for a price? will you impart your riches to your loved ones? and will you leave mean old aunt whatsherface from the will for that time she was drunk and came on to you? or.... or will you spend your time telling yourself what you want to hear? that you want me to go to school because you care about me? no, youre just smart and you think your way is best. thats what makes you complacent. your mental strength has become your downfall in my eyes. without a challenge, everyone gets jaded.
i love you like a brother and i always will. im sorry i called you a bitch, even though you were acting like one. it was wrong of me to say because you dont come where im from, and i forget that. i forget that we come from two different societies, two different qualities of life. even though we speak english, things get lost in the translation.
ive tried to tell you all of this before, and it fell on deaf ears. i hope for your sake, and your hapiness, you hear me and know i have your best interests in mind.
i have chosen each word carefully. i have prayed on my words. i find this to be perfect, mistakes and all.
if i did go to school and graduated, you would be prouder of that fact than i would. that scares me when you wouldnt lift a finger to help me in any way besides what you think is best: tough love. as a side note, my father tried that. well, i havent talked to that son of a bitch in 12 years, and i dont plan to, ever. he was wrong for what he did, and he will have to come to terms with that. wether he wants to accept that or not. i love him, but forcing my will upon him would just send him deeper into the abyss. i have no choice but to be me, or not be there. tough love is an idiotic thing used by idiotic people. it does not work on some. it just pushes them even further away. "tough love" is just another word for being a bully. i had to learn the hard way. my sister rarely speaks to me because i wanted to give her tough love. i didnt want her to go see our other sister, because she does bad drugs. i told her if she went to see her, she was not welcome back. to make a long story short, she slept with a guy at school that day, got expelled, and moved in with my sister. she only stayed a week before her husband started hitting on my sister. she ended up going on a whirlwind of a ride, and resented me for it all. of course i knew what was going to happen, but my pride and ego stood in the way. even i am human and had a journey to get to where i am.
i ask you to respect my decisions. i have thought alot more about my choice than you have. and i know i care about myself much more than you do. i also have more faith in myself than you do.