sigh
- Thread starter ruthless
- Start date
You are taking the piss. You are seeking objectives. There is no objective. What do you want? Your guts are not empty. If they were, you would soon find an objective. Check your bank account then check the bank account of the 5 thousand million who haven't got a pot to piss in. Personally, I'm the same as you, I don't give a f..k. But then, I'm a selfish human being who wants to be entertained and catered to until my carcase is tipped into a hole in the ground. Next!
RainmanTime
Super Moderator
You already know my advice, and it still stands as valid.
RMT
ruthless
Rift Surfer
i do get tired of it, but not like you would think.
im more aggrivated at myself for not being able to do it. lets look at it realisticly.
i make a plan: 1. move, 2. find work, 3. go to school, 4. graduate and live prosperous.
thats not how its going to go. its going to go like this:
im going to move, penniless. wherever i decide to go, i will be homeless, with no help whatsoever. i definitely will have to move out of columbus because i wouldnt even attempt to do it here.
so im moving to a town i know nothing about, penniless, and homeless. the next step is to find housing. well, im human, and im gonna say screw that, im hungry. now im stuck on the street, homeless, penniless, and hungry.
at this point, i will be begging strangers for money. with that money, i will decide to get the cheapest bottle of vodka, because in my mind, ive gotta do something to ease the despair. i wake up the next day contemplating what a [censored] up life ive had. considering i am at my wits end already, i doubt i would be able to go through all that again. keyword again.
then again, i could just throw my life in gods hands and say, "your will be done." i did that before and ended up here.
and to option #3. i could figure out a way to get financial aid, and i could get a dorm...
well, it just so happens that ever since you gave me your advice, i have tried every single way i can find to get financial aid. seven years before you told me your advice, i tried to get financial aid. i took my act's, got a 32, which was pretty good, and there were still problems. the financial aid advisor at the school couldnt even help me. i have even tried to get in a online school. i have read every government rescource, and ive wasted a ridiculous amount of time.
with that knowledge, is your advice still the same?
im more aggrivated at myself for not being able to do it. lets look at it realisticly.
i make a plan: 1. move, 2. find work, 3. go to school, 4. graduate and live prosperous.
thats not how its going to go. its going to go like this:
im going to move, penniless. wherever i decide to go, i will be homeless, with no help whatsoever. i definitely will have to move out of columbus because i wouldnt even attempt to do it here.
so im moving to a town i know nothing about, penniless, and homeless. the next step is to find housing. well, im human, and im gonna say screw that, im hungry. now im stuck on the street, homeless, penniless, and hungry.
at this point, i will be begging strangers for money. with that money, i will decide to get the cheapest bottle of vodka, because in my mind, ive gotta do something to ease the despair. i wake up the next day contemplating what a [censored] up life ive had. considering i am at my wits end already, i doubt i would be able to go through all that again. keyword again.
then again, i could just throw my life in gods hands and say, "your will be done." i did that before and ended up here.
and to option #3. i could figure out a way to get financial aid, and i could get a dorm...
well, it just so happens that ever since you gave me your advice, i have tried every single way i can find to get financial aid. seven years before you told me your advice, i tried to get financial aid. i took my act's, got a 32, which was pretty good, and there were still problems. the financial aid advisor at the school couldnt even help me. i have even tried to get in a online school. i have read every government rescource, and ive wasted a ridiculous amount of time.
with that knowledge, is your advice still the same?
ruthless
Rift Surfer
theres a tree ive been trying to pull down in my backyard for years. i used to go out there, kick it, and football tackle it.
two days ago, i decided that tree was coming up today, and i said to myself, "if it does not come up today, after i put everything i have in it, i am a failure."
i tied a rope around the top of the tree, and pulled.
six hours later, and ripped up hands and forearms, the tree was uprooted. sweat poured off of me like rain and i felt deathly fatigued, but the tree was up. i fulfilled the promise i made to myself, no matter the cost.
i guess my only option is to do whatever it takes if i am to succeed. i just hate there isnt a more efficient way.
two days ago, i decided that tree was coming up today, and i said to myself, "if it does not come up today, after i put everything i have in it, i am a failure."
i tied a rope around the top of the tree, and pulled.
six hours later, and ripped up hands and forearms, the tree was uprooted. sweat poured off of me like rain and i felt deathly fatigued, but the tree was up. i fulfilled the promise i made to myself, no matter the cost.
i guess my only option is to do whatever it takes if i am to succeed. i just hate there isnt a more efficient way.
RainmanTime
Super Moderator
ruthless,
There are an infinite number of paths between any two points. Some appear less efficient than others, but that is only if you disregard the lessons you learn in trying (and sometimes failing) on those paths.
Yes. I told you my story. Getting into and through college was not easy for me either. I had to make decisions I did not wish to make... that threw me well outside my "comfort zone". Granted, I did not have kids to deal with, so yes you may be in a worse position than I was. But as long as you have your mind and health, the decision to give up is a decision to hate yourself.
Here are some suggestions/questions:
1) Why does "move" have to be step one? (One premise of getting where you wish to go is switching-up your priorities to see how it changes the landscape)
2) Why not find work first... and save money by not spending a PENNY on anything that does not reach your goal? (Like alcohol. No judgments here...it is merely a simple fact that any money you spend on alcohol is money that cannot go towards your goal. Alcohol does not ease despair when you are in the position you are in, it only leads to more.)
3) Not sure what your religious beliefs are, but have you ever considered going to a church for help? Even if it is finding a real cheap place to live with a couple roommates... they may also often have work for you to do for them. Sometimes they actually pay money, but even if they just pay with a place to live and a hot meal... you are ahead.
4) Do you have ANY form of income right now, no matter how small? Even if it is government welfare, what you MUST DO with ANY money that comes into your hands is IMMEDIATELY put some fraction of it in a bank account. No ifs, ands, or buts. You need to figure out SOME percentage of every penny that hits your hand and be absolutely relentless (or ruthless, in your case) /ttiforum/images/graemlins/smile.gif about saving it. I cannot stress this one enough. And here a good rule: EVERY time you feel like buying alcohol, you "penalize" yourself by taking ALL that money you would have spent on it and putting it in the bank account.
You have often talked with us here about topics like bushido, and related issues where the primary focus is absolute control and mastery over self. I very much believe in these concepts. And if you do too, then something like #4 above should really be a piece of cake. You should have absolutely no reason to argue with that logic. Because it is nothing more than absolute self control.
Whaddya think?
RMT
There are an infinite number of paths between any two points. Some appear less efficient than others, but that is only if you disregard the lessons you learn in trying (and sometimes failing) on those paths.
Yes. I told you my story. Getting into and through college was not easy for me either. I had to make decisions I did not wish to make... that threw me well outside my "comfort zone". Granted, I did not have kids to deal with, so yes you may be in a worse position than I was. But as long as you have your mind and health, the decision to give up is a decision to hate yourself.
Here are some suggestions/questions:
1) Why does "move" have to be step one? (One premise of getting where you wish to go is switching-up your priorities to see how it changes the landscape)
2) Why not find work first... and save money by not spending a PENNY on anything that does not reach your goal? (Like alcohol. No judgments here...it is merely a simple fact that any money you spend on alcohol is money that cannot go towards your goal. Alcohol does not ease despair when you are in the position you are in, it only leads to more.)
3) Not sure what your religious beliefs are, but have you ever considered going to a church for help? Even if it is finding a real cheap place to live with a couple roommates... they may also often have work for you to do for them. Sometimes they actually pay money, but even if they just pay with a place to live and a hot meal... you are ahead.
4) Do you have ANY form of income right now, no matter how small? Even if it is government welfare, what you MUST DO with ANY money that comes into your hands is IMMEDIATELY put some fraction of it in a bank account. No ifs, ands, or buts. You need to figure out SOME percentage of every penny that hits your hand and be absolutely relentless (or ruthless, in your case) /ttiforum/images/graemlins/smile.gif about saving it. I cannot stress this one enough. And here a good rule: EVERY time you feel like buying alcohol, you "penalize" yourself by taking ALL that money you would have spent on it and putting it in the bank account.
You have often talked with us here about topics like bushido, and related issues where the primary focus is absolute control and mastery over self. I very much believe in these concepts. And if you do too, then something like #4 above should really be a piece of cake. You should have absolutely no reason to argue with that logic. Because it is nothing more than absolute self control.
Whaddya think?
RMT
reactor1967
Quantum Scribe
Ruthless:
Well I guess I am in the middle between RMT and you. I work, and work and work with very little or no time to enjoy life. In the last two weeks I put in over 121 hours. Last year I didn,t have to work nearly this hard but lately that is not the case for me. I don,t know what your background is like but I do now that if you don,t have a crimal record security guard work is very plentful in this economy. If you can pass a polygraph test, get a gun card, and don,t have a record you could work on a Armor car which pays better than just security work. Those companies have a hard time keeping people. My next door neighbor has been doing that kind of work for years. He has never had trouble getting a job. Jobs in the news paper get thin but a lot of jobs don,t hire from the news paper. They hire themselves or go through other services to hire people. You may just have to do a lot of leg work and spend more time job hunting on the computer. RMT says college is best for some people that is true. For others that is not true. I would say that everyone should goto college but in my electronics and computer work I have seen tons of people get fired after finishing college so I can,t say I believe that. And, I have seen a lot of people with a college degree work for very little pay doing something else besides what they went to college for. This is the real world not a college campus and it is not always true that all college people get good jobs. http://www.kirbycorp.com was looking for people to work going up and down the river a will back. I think they would pick you up coming through your state if you could get hired there. They promote real fast. You probably would not like it but trucking could be an option. I did that in my early twenties and sometimes I took off and went to college for a semester during the winter months when the freight was slow. I was one of the few truckers on the road with a shower in my truck made from two 12 volt water pumps, a bucket, a 5 gallon water bottle, a wire frame, and a shower curtain. I never paid for a shower and took one every day when I woke up to do my driving for the day. Dude, you got options. If you want to work you can. It is just up to you. And, you can make good money too if you get the right job. Apply at your local police department or fire department. It is not a dream job but it has retirement and at the police department you might luck into a desk job. Also, I don,t want to knock college for you if you think you can then go for it. If you want to goto college and get a job at the same time join the military. They would help you pay for college. The airforce or the navy would be good for a technical job. My ex-girl friend going to college her dad retired from the Navy and worked at a nuclear plant. Man did he make good money. His family did not have to worry about nothing. Not only did he work hard all his life but he invested a good deal of his money too for retirement. I do believe you need to stop sitting around the house feeling sorry for yourself. Most people with money build that wealth very slowly over time through hard work. Some come in to it but most people have to work for it and that includes or does not include depending on the person going to college. If nothing else you could save your money then finance a business and use your money to live on while your trying to get your business started. I have seen people make it that way too. Also I have seen a lot of people lose it all that way too so if you did that be smart about it. Good luck to you what ever you do.
Well I guess I am in the middle between RMT and you. I work, and work and work with very little or no time to enjoy life. In the last two weeks I put in over 121 hours. Last year I didn,t have to work nearly this hard but lately that is not the case for me. I don,t know what your background is like but I do now that if you don,t have a crimal record security guard work is very plentful in this economy. If you can pass a polygraph test, get a gun card, and don,t have a record you could work on a Armor car which pays better than just security work. Those companies have a hard time keeping people. My next door neighbor has been doing that kind of work for years. He has never had trouble getting a job. Jobs in the news paper get thin but a lot of jobs don,t hire from the news paper. They hire themselves or go through other services to hire people. You may just have to do a lot of leg work and spend more time job hunting on the computer. RMT says college is best for some people that is true. For others that is not true. I would say that everyone should goto college but in my electronics and computer work I have seen tons of people get fired after finishing college so I can,t say I believe that. And, I have seen a lot of people with a college degree work for very little pay doing something else besides what they went to college for. This is the real world not a college campus and it is not always true that all college people get good jobs. http://www.kirbycorp.com was looking for people to work going up and down the river a will back. I think they would pick you up coming through your state if you could get hired there. They promote real fast. You probably would not like it but trucking could be an option. I did that in my early twenties and sometimes I took off and went to college for a semester during the winter months when the freight was slow. I was one of the few truckers on the road with a shower in my truck made from two 12 volt water pumps, a bucket, a 5 gallon water bottle, a wire frame, and a shower curtain. I never paid for a shower and took one every day when I woke up to do my driving for the day. Dude, you got options. If you want to work you can. It is just up to you. And, you can make good money too if you get the right job. Apply at your local police department or fire department. It is not a dream job but it has retirement and at the police department you might luck into a desk job. Also, I don,t want to knock college for you if you think you can then go for it. If you want to goto college and get a job at the same time join the military. They would help you pay for college. The airforce or the navy would be good for a technical job. My ex-girl friend going to college her dad retired from the Navy and worked at a nuclear plant. Man did he make good money. His family did not have to worry about nothing. Not only did he work hard all his life but he invested a good deal of his money too for retirement. I do believe you need to stop sitting around the house feeling sorry for yourself. Most people with money build that wealth very slowly over time through hard work. Some come in to it but most people have to work for it and that includes or does not include depending on the person going to college. If nothing else you could save your money then finance a business and use your money to live on while your trying to get your business started. I have seen people make it that way too. Also I have seen a lot of people lose it all that way too so if you did that be smart about it. Good luck to you what ever you do.
ruthless
Rift Surfer
thanks for the post reactor, i appreciate it.
i know some of you guys care about me and i appreciate it. my morals and standards get in the way alot, but i dont turn my back on them.
i have been through alot in my life, and i am ready for peace and happiness. im ready to explore. im ready to talk to smart people like you guys. life would be what i want, if the dysfunction was gone.
i didnt grow up like most. i grew up in dysfunction. my mother beat me everyday growing up. there were arguments and jailtime. this was the only thing in my childhood. you spoke of semi trucks, well, i used to be a trucker... at age 14.
my mother kicked me out of the house. i made a little place to sleep behind a store. it started raining, and it was cold. there were some 18 wheelers next to the store, so i jumped in one. i noticed that the keys were in it, so i crunk it up and turned on the heater. i got sleepy, so i laid down in the cab. at that moment, i had a thought, "what if this big bubba trucker gets in his truck in the morning and sees me here? he might kill me." so, i jumped into the drivers side, and took off. i drove about a hundred miles, had a near death accident (i should mention the 18 wheeler had a petrolium tanker attached to it and i jacknifed it. i feel god saved me that day.) and i got out, went to a payphone, and called 911 to turn myself in. the folks on the phone acted like it was no big deal, so i hung up, got into the truck, and tried to drop the load off. i couldnt get the load unhooked, and was spinning tires. i thought i had pulled the release lever all the way out, but i hadnt. an older man came up to me and asked if i needed help. i made up a story real fast about how my uncle wanted me to drop the load off here, and bring him the truck to meridian. he believed me, for some reason. i was a pretty good con. i got the truck to meridian, parked it in an alleyway, and ran to the bus station. i had been at that bus station the week earlier. i asked the bus attendant if he had any work that i could do. i told him my mother never came to pick me up, and that i had been in meridian the entire week. he told me he would give me 5 dollars if i cleaned up the bathroom. when i came out of the bathroom, the police were there. i was in no trouble, but my mother was. to my great satisfaction, i watched many police cuss my mother for all she was worth. my mother took me straight to the detention center. they told her it was a holiday, and could not take me until the next day. that night, i jumped out of my window, and ran away. this is when i met josh, the guy who my wife currently sleeps with. he let me stay with him.
one night, my mother saw me, and told the police roundabout where i was, because i ran. i jumped a fence, and hid in some bushes. the police went into the area, a scuffle ensued, i choked a cop out, and another two football tackled me. it wasnt too fun. from there, i spent three years incarcerated.
oh yeah, remember the bus station? the reason i was there a week ago was that i was supposed to change buses at that place, but it ended up being a layover until the next day. the bus station did not stay open 24 hours, so i just waited outside. a man pulled up and asked me if i needed help. i looked in his seat and saw a bible laying there, so i automatically trusted him. that night, i was raped.
keep in mind, this is only a week out of my entire life. you can imagine the rest. most is unspeakable.
through the years, i became just like my mother. i turned to drugs, and crime. i hurt alot, and got hurt alot. when my mother died, i died, and it was time for atonement for my sins.
i have spent the last decade trying to right my wrongs and help people as much as i can. this has put me in a very problematic situation because i tried to help the wrong people. and i shouldve got my priorities in order before i even attempted, but im smart in areas, an idiot in others.
money is too easy to come by, especially if you are willing to sacrifice certain things. thats not what this is about. its about my desire to contribute positive to this world. to atone.
this is something i feel i am not doing. i feel like i am being an idiot, but i still have to deal with immense dysfunction. my wife does not understand my words. she has no respect for me, and that is hard to deal with. she instills things into my kids that she is not aware will harm them down the road. everything i am around, i am in disagreement.
it boils down to hating my life, from day one. if i had a way to "opt-out" i would.
but i keep looking at ray and darby, and i know the life i believe in is possible to have.
i will pull through. maybe its just a matter of maturity and determination. i tend to get blue alot.
i apologize for being a burden. thats not what i want. i just want it to "click" in my head.
im almost there. i have evolved dramatically, and i am thankful that at least two aspects of my life is rich: my children, and my friends.
torn between the old and the new. do i uphold my old laws, or do i start over. it is something i ponder over alot. sometimes things get complicated. the conflict will eventually be absolved.
i know some of you guys care about me and i appreciate it. my morals and standards get in the way alot, but i dont turn my back on them.
i have been through alot in my life, and i am ready for peace and happiness. im ready to explore. im ready to talk to smart people like you guys. life would be what i want, if the dysfunction was gone.
i didnt grow up like most. i grew up in dysfunction. my mother beat me everyday growing up. there were arguments and jailtime. this was the only thing in my childhood. you spoke of semi trucks, well, i used to be a trucker... at age 14.
my mother kicked me out of the house. i made a little place to sleep behind a store. it started raining, and it was cold. there were some 18 wheelers next to the store, so i jumped in one. i noticed that the keys were in it, so i crunk it up and turned on the heater. i got sleepy, so i laid down in the cab. at that moment, i had a thought, "what if this big bubba trucker gets in his truck in the morning and sees me here? he might kill me." so, i jumped into the drivers side, and took off. i drove about a hundred miles, had a near death accident (i should mention the 18 wheeler had a petrolium tanker attached to it and i jacknifed it. i feel god saved me that day.) and i got out, went to a payphone, and called 911 to turn myself in. the folks on the phone acted like it was no big deal, so i hung up, got into the truck, and tried to drop the load off. i couldnt get the load unhooked, and was spinning tires. i thought i had pulled the release lever all the way out, but i hadnt. an older man came up to me and asked if i needed help. i made up a story real fast about how my uncle wanted me to drop the load off here, and bring him the truck to meridian. he believed me, for some reason. i was a pretty good con. i got the truck to meridian, parked it in an alleyway, and ran to the bus station. i had been at that bus station the week earlier. i asked the bus attendant if he had any work that i could do. i told him my mother never came to pick me up, and that i had been in meridian the entire week. he told me he would give me 5 dollars if i cleaned up the bathroom. when i came out of the bathroom, the police were there. i was in no trouble, but my mother was. to my great satisfaction, i watched many police cuss my mother for all she was worth. my mother took me straight to the detention center. they told her it was a holiday, and could not take me until the next day. that night, i jumped out of my window, and ran away. this is when i met josh, the guy who my wife currently sleeps with. he let me stay with him.
one night, my mother saw me, and told the police roundabout where i was, because i ran. i jumped a fence, and hid in some bushes. the police went into the area, a scuffle ensued, i choked a cop out, and another two football tackled me. it wasnt too fun. from there, i spent three years incarcerated.
oh yeah, remember the bus station? the reason i was there a week ago was that i was supposed to change buses at that place, but it ended up being a layover until the next day. the bus station did not stay open 24 hours, so i just waited outside. a man pulled up and asked me if i needed help. i looked in his seat and saw a bible laying there, so i automatically trusted him. that night, i was raped.
keep in mind, this is only a week out of my entire life. you can imagine the rest. most is unspeakable.
through the years, i became just like my mother. i turned to drugs, and crime. i hurt alot, and got hurt alot. when my mother died, i died, and it was time for atonement for my sins.
i have spent the last decade trying to right my wrongs and help people as much as i can. this has put me in a very problematic situation because i tried to help the wrong people. and i shouldve got my priorities in order before i even attempted, but im smart in areas, an idiot in others.
money is too easy to come by, especially if you are willing to sacrifice certain things. thats not what this is about. its about my desire to contribute positive to this world. to atone.
this is something i feel i am not doing. i feel like i am being an idiot, but i still have to deal with immense dysfunction. my wife does not understand my words. she has no respect for me, and that is hard to deal with. she instills things into my kids that she is not aware will harm them down the road. everything i am around, i am in disagreement.
it boils down to hating my life, from day one. if i had a way to "opt-out" i would.
but i keep looking at ray and darby, and i know the life i believe in is possible to have.
i will pull through. maybe its just a matter of maturity and determination. i tend to get blue alot.
i apologize for being a burden. thats not what i want. i just want it to "click" in my head.
im almost there. i have evolved dramatically, and i am thankful that at least two aspects of my life is rich: my children, and my friends.
torn between the old and the new. do i uphold my old laws, or do i start over. it is something i ponder over alot. sometimes things get complicated. the conflict will eventually be absolved.
RainmanTime
Super Moderator
Reactor speaks much wisdom on this issue, ruthless.
When he and I both agree on someting this much, you ought to know we are seeking the best for YOU. /ttiforum/images/graemlins/smile.gif
So now, we both challenge you to answer the question: "What is next for you?"
Kind Regards,
RMT
When he and I both agree on someting this much, you ought to know we are seeking the best for YOU. /ttiforum/images/graemlins/smile.gif
So now, we both challenge you to answer the question: "What is next for you?"
Kind Regards,
RMT
reactor1967
Quantum Scribe
Well I don,t agree that most adults are where they want to be in life but I do agree that most adults make their own beds in life and sleep in them. You see, it is my belief that after 18 years of age each and every adult is responsible for their own behavior and their own fortune or poverty which ever they choose. Now, a lot of adults will try to make someone believe they are like a ship at sea being blown around by the wind and waves but the problem in life is that people can make their own wind and waves to move their life in the direction that they want it to go in life. Case in point. I opened up a forex account trading currency. At first I used demo accounts after a few years I finally learned how that sucker works. Now on my live account I can take $5000 dollars and turn it into 150,000 dollars. I made my own wind and waves by doing that. Now, the question I ask is why can,t someone else do the same? I ate at a baracue place the other day. The guy that owns that place his family is a very hardworking family. They worked hard and saved their money and turned their savings into owning a business and are making a living from that business and have been doing that for many many years. They made their own wind and waves. Why can,t someone else do the same? ? After a person turns 18 years of age their is no excuse except for that own persons failer to control their future. People that get jobs and quit them because they can,t handle the work or emotionally deal with the people they work with then they go from one job to the other spending all their money and never building anything or saving anything or working for anything. Then they vote for Obama as president and say oh this man is going to fix our problems. Bull, you are what you work for in life. You make your own bed and you sleep in it. If you don,t have a dime to your name that is what you did to yourself not what others did to you.
RainmanTime
Super Moderator
I agree with everything you wrote here, Reactor. Nicely done.
RMT