daydreamercutie7
Temporal Novice
WIFE VS HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible,
and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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Cards for the "not so good" relationship!
I know how to push all my wife's buttons ... now if I could only find the one marked OFF!
I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in hell until I met you.
Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking?
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.
They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars. Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass.
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that nwe've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
COME BACK LINES...
M: I know how to please a woman.
W: Then please leave me alone.
M: I want to give myself to you.
W: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
M: Your hair color is fabulous.
W: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
M: You look like a dream.
W: Go back to sleep.
M: I can tell that you want me.
W: Yes, I want you to leave.
M: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
W: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.
M: Your body is like a temple.
W: Sorry, there are no services today.
M: Is this seat empty?
W: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
M: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
W: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
M: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
W: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
/ttiforum/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ttiforum/images/graemlins/smile.gif
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible,
and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cards for the "not so good" relationship!
I know how to push all my wife's buttons ... now if I could only find the one marked OFF!
I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in hell until I met you.
Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking?
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.
They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars. Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass.
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that nwe've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
COME BACK LINES...
M: I know how to please a woman.
W: Then please leave me alone.
M: I want to give myself to you.
W: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
M: Your hair color is fabulous.
W: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
M: You look like a dream.
W: Go back to sleep.
M: I can tell that you want me.
W: Yes, I want you to leave.
M: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
W: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.
M: Your body is like a temple.
W: Sorry, there are no services today.
M: Is this seat empty?
W: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
M: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
W: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
M: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
W: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
/ttiforum/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ttiforum/images/graemlins/smile.gif