I'm from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won't

dave_kinky

dave_kinky

Temporal Navigator
I\'m from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won\'t

Borag Thung Earthlets

I am literally being flooded* with PM's from you all asking about what's been going on in the parallel future that both I and Chrono share!! So I decided to put fingers to keyboard and give you all an update about the crazy intergalactic time travelling lifestyle that I enjoy....

Well, I'm glad to let you all know that my future Chrono-clone has now risen to the rank of
Super Prime President Of The United States Of Oceania in 2652 CE. Buddha knows how he managed it but the wrinkled old git (he's now 142 or something) has managed to UNITE all of Australasia, the United States Of Americanexico and the mostly-underwater British Isles into an Oceanic Alliance and pushed the Lizard Men hordes back into the cold depths of space to the Planet Lizaran!

Sadly the Lizard Men have not taken this affront lightly and have teamed up with the Skaaran's they've managed to clone so the future is once again looking bleak for the poor Earth. On the other hand, there's a lovely new recipe for Muscle Tree Cake going 'round that would certainly blow all of your 21st century primitive tastebuds!

I invite both James Belman and Qronos16 to join me in Chrono's floating palace in 2562 for a slice! Mmmm hmmm! Of course, all time travellers are invited, particularly now the Time Guards have been rounded up and, in true Chrono fashion, been dispensed with in a ruthless and heartless manner by being jettisoned out of the Time Ship Zodiac (see earlier posts) into the earthquake caused when Jesus was crucified 2000 years ago (if you're a 21st Century primitive) (see Covenant's earlier post). Sweeeet!

I'll be away Friday to Tuesday of your pagan-named 'week', off in the future getting hopelessly glarbled on liquid Lunarium booze so feel free to ask me any questions about the 26th century you may have. Not that it'll make a blind bit of difference.

Love always
D/C

*flooded in the Biblical sense - NB - there is no historical fact to back up the statement
 
Re: I\'m from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won\'t

I invite both James Belman and Qronos16 to join me in Chrono's floating palace in 2562 for a slice!
Click to expand...
Dude, I'm crashing your little, exclusive soiree and there ain't a THING you can do to stop me. I'm gonna bring some Jack Daniels and we're all gonna get [censored]-faced! I'm gonna have to teach you sorry-a$$, TT-wimpys how to hold your liquor. You'd just better get ready for the worst hangover of your sorry little Chrono-life! So you got any fine looking women in your time, or do I have to bring da hoes too?

N/I RMT
 
Re: I\'m from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won\'t

*vomits, then passes out... *

......

* regains consciousness *

Greetings,

All hail your master of divine light, for it is I - Temporal Olly (aka Mr X).

Dave...I too shall be attending this Temporal meet. However i shall consume none of your primative 2562 food or drink. Neither shall i partake in Hudson's activities, with regard to his suggested offer of; a multiple of "hoes".

No i shall attend with great insight into Temporal issues. Including the soon to occur mass genocide and also my 'up and coming' book launch.

I shall also address the secret workings of the 3 key time travel secrets. These go under the following headings;

-The first secret of time travel.
-the second secret of time travel.
-the third secret of time travel.

I Will also present to you, how me and My Great Temporal Agency (MGTA) went back to change our past history by going to a different past timeline (yours). I will explain how our mission was almost a perfect success, before certain incidents occured, that caused us to accidently create the mass death soon to happen. A problem that will reduce your world to a metaphorical 'bath of blood'. Again, we send our apologies regarding this.

I may also expain the 'key' dymanics of time physics. ONLY IF however, i feel you will be able to keep up. For example: time travel is similar to one of your fast food 'hamburgers'. Sometimes its a dynamic blend of flavours. Some times its a nauseating mess that gives you bowel problems. And at worst - it may contain an unwanted hair which that has no god damn business in being there! And we all know how distressing that can be.

Please, do not feel bad - these are VERY advanced teachings. I can understand your frustration. Fear not, for all shall be revealed.

Divine light being,
Mr X
 
Re: I\'m from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won\'t

/ttiforum/images/graemlins/ooo.gif are you playing game here?? stop playing game olly or Mr.X.
 
Re: I\'m from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won\'t

Word up Rainmantime and Olly

Yeah you can both come along too, why not? The floating palace has got loadsa room, you sure you can handle the Muscle Tree Cake?

For a laugh we've managed to capture some of the new Skaaran clones the Lizard Men have created and we'll be staging some fierce 'Poking Skaaran Clones With Sharp Sticks' competitions! I note with disgust that neither Qronos or Wee Jimmy Belman have taken me up on my offer so you mofos will have to do instead.

Incidentally:
-The first secret of time travel.
-the second secret of time travel.
-the third secret of time travel.

Are all pretty dull and worthy and are inscribed on the back of my time teleporter watch.

PS Our future babes are HOT! Particularly the bio-enhanced tattooed cyber babes we got with multiple functionality. Hmmmm hmmmmm.

PPS OllyB - are you supposedly from a time thats MY future? What happens to the Lizard Men then??

Dave / Chrono
 
Re: I\'m from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won\'t

PS Our future babes are HOT! Particularly the bio-enhanced tattooed cyber babes we got with multiple functionality.
Click to expand...
Speaking of cyberbabes, have you been notified that Britney Spears is pregnant (yet again!) in this time? I think you might want to run a functional check on your 3-D cyberBrit fornication systems... because if this next kid comes out looking like you, I'm gonna have to spill the beans about what you been doing with our little Brit Brit in the future!

In fact (and now here is the ultimate TT paradox for you afficianados that are paying attention):

How do we know that you didn't come back in time JUST TO FATHER YOURSELF via Britney!?!?!

I'll tell you this, Dave/Chrono: If that kid starts fixating on cake, there's gonna be heck to pay in our timeline, and we might just have to start a bloody civil war just to run you off back to your own time! /ttiforum/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

N/I RMT
 
Re: I\'m from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won\'t

Hey Rainman, I've just ran a functional check on my 3-D cyberBrit fornication systems (or is that a fictional check?) and the mainframe reports a crazy occurrence in Brit's life! Bear with me pop kids of the 21st century because this DOES run like one of Creedo's unintelligible posts!:

Around the time of Britney's latest conception her car shuddered to a halt on a moonlit country lane in the vicinity of her ranch in whatever redneck part of the USA she lives in.
She then got out of the car to find out why it had stopped (she was alone, having just been singing at one of her pop concerts) - from behind the trees she noticed a bank of lights descending from dark cloud cover.
A huge spacecraft (with the word 'Zodiac' spraypainted on it in Arabic) appeared and from it came...a 12 year old boy in a Time Guard outfit who then proceeded to mind-wipe her and then have his date-rape like way with her!
After this had happened the Zodiac flew away (to see the crucifixion of Jesus 2000 years in the past) and the only proof she had that she hadn't imagined it was .... a solitary fresh slice of Muscle Tree cake, still warm, on the bonnet of her car, which now started again!!

FELLOW TIME TRAVELLERS AND PRIMITIVES OF THE 21ST CENTURY CONSIDER THIS EVIDENCE:
1. The timeship THE ZODIAC is real, therefore time travel is real
2. Chronohistorian, a 12 year old, was IN that timeship, proving (a) he really is a time traveller and (b) even more astonishingly, he is NOT a virgin, although his Chrono-shag with Britney may have been him losing his cherry, possibly egged on by some pissed up Time Guards
3. Chrono is a date-rapist as well as genocidal maniac
4. This happened before I became merged with him
5. Muscle Tree Cake is NOT a new recipe
6. Britney's next child MAY be the child of Kevin 'Chronohistorian' Smith and therefore his own ancestor
7. Jesus really was crucified meaning the Bible is totally true

Think on!!!

D/C

PS Regarding the Time Party I'm hosting in the 26th century, if anyone could bring Creedo with them that would be great - if you could bust him out of his maximum security hospital and find a cage big enough to hold him, please consider him invited too. Warrior381 is categorically NOT invited as he doesn't have a time machine.
 
Re: I\'m from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won\'t

I'm thinking of coming along. I have a delicious recipe for hinged cylinder cake that I know you guys would enjoy.
 
Re: I\'m from the FUTURE and CAN prove it BUT Won\'t

Whatever.

I notice that Belman and Qronos still aren't up for attending, whats up guys? Time machine's in the shop to be fixed or something?? Or just candyass lightweights???

Pah!

Anybody been able to bust Creedo out yet? May take a while I guess, but with time travel it shouldn't be much of a problem.

There'll be drinks on the timeship The Zodiac before the party starts so make sure you're there early when we feed some captured Lizard Men to a Lunarium Beast.
Then its full on debauched partying with all of the cyber babes, 3D minor 21st century pop stars and 26th century narcotics you can handle.
After that we'll take the Zodiac out into the time lanes and cause some trouble across the parallel Earths - let me know what you fancy? My mates Zarjaz and Rolf reckon we should nip across to Para-11.25 where Hitler won the 2nd World War and mess up some $hit with the United States Of Deutschland-Amerika then over to Para-14.56 to 2012 and poke fun at THEIR America's tedious much-whinged-on-about forthcoming Civil War, but let me know your preferences and ideas!!

D/C

PS Warrior381 still not invited due to not having a time machine
 
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